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  • Writer's pictureaymexume

We're (happily) married, and we don't always travel together...*gasp*

This weekend, my husband went to the Copa del Rey in Madrid. You've guessed it: it's a football (soccer) major event. The game he went to is one of the last that stadium will host. So, he had to be there. Don't ask.

This boys' trip--he travelled with The Annoying Little Brother--was planned soon after I announced that I'd be going on a girls' trip in July. That girls' trip turned out to be a group trip. But, it was too late for him to join me: he had already booked his flight to Madrid.

Your husband lets you travel alone!?!

No, he doesn't let me. I don't actually need permission. He doesn't need mine either.

If we can take the time off and budget allows, we're good to go. Sure, we clear it with each other to ensure that we didn't have plans or that the other doesn't need support/help with their respective lives.

We're​ rather independent

We've been married for almost 12 years now. We share a lot: a home, a car, friends. We have common interests. Yet, we engage in activities that don't necessarily involve the other. We volunteer for different organizations. I'm always taking a class of some sorts. We're both busy.

Yet, we spend a lot of time together. We commute to work together. When we're both in town, we typically spend most of the weekend together. That's a lot of togetherness.

Time apart keeps us sane

During our first year of marriage, I lived in Ottawa and he lived in PauP. We're kind of used to being married AND being on our own.

During the subsequent years, it just happened that we'd always end up spending time apart. The reasons were as random as budget, personal schedule or lack of interest.

For the past 4-5 years, this time apart has become more planned. I miss him when he's gone, but I really enjoy having the apartment to myself. When I'm travelling without him, there's​ so much I want to show/tell him, but I fill him in via text and phone conversations.

Our relationship is based on trust

Some would say blind trust. But I wouldn't have it any other way. We're far from being perfect, but trust has never been an issue. If that trust is broken, my life would become way too complicated for comfort. (Let me knock on wood before I jinx it.)

We've done the long distance thing. We once spent 6 weeks apart for work related reasons. Last year, I travelled for 3 weeks, met him in Milan for a day, then he was off for 4 weeks. We've been there, and done that. 

Off course I worry

About his safety. About him missing his flight home. (That "time apart" thing only works for me because there's an end date!)

He gave me a scare once. He texted "I'm sorry, I should have been more careful" and my heart stopped. Long story short: Dude had a couple rum and cokes on an empty stomach and fell face down in a club in Barcelona. His boys were with him and took good care of him.

We're not THAT traditional

We've always believed in making our marriage work for us. I didn't change my name when we got married. We don't believe in traditional gender roles. We don't have kids, and we enjoy the perks of our DINK (double income no kids) lifestyle--and embrace the pains of tax season.

We're​ not special. We just opted to go by what works for us, and not what people think we should be.

Our mothers and other family members don't always approve. They often expect us--and they're vocal about it, in true Haitian fashion--to AT LEAST travel to Haiti together. Because: what will people think. But frankly, why should people's opinions matter more then what makes us happy?

Don't get me wrong. I miss him. A. Lot. But, I like missing him. That feeling let's me know that, while I could lead my life without him, I would still prefer sharing it with him.

Honestly, I've been to too many stadiums

I like football, I do. But not as much as he does. Him and his boys will never see enough games or visit enough stadiums. Why wouldn't he go and be happy in Madrid, while I'm living it up here in O-Town? 

Seriously, have you seen the company I was keeping this weekend?

I don't see anything wrong with doing what makes us both happy, separately.

Some trips are bound to be more of a burden than anything else. And I'll always opt to sit these ones out.

[They ended up going to a Corrida. And I resent them a bit.]

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